I’m sleeping with my daughter’s boyfriend

MY daughter was seeing a gorgeous man who now wants to be with me with me. I’m
thrilled but could it ever last?

I’m 44, and divorced. He’s 29 and my daughter is 22.

She met him at the gym and they started seeing each other six months ago.
She’s really keen but he’s been blowing hot and cold so I’ve had to listen
to her woes a lot.

My daughter and I went for a drink before going to the cinema a couple of
weeks ago, and her boyfriend happened to be meeting a friend at the bar. I’d
not met him before and I was blown away. He’s so good-looking and toned. His
eyes lit up and I could tell he was interested.

My daughter goes away with her job a lot. The next time she was away, there
was a knock on the door and it was her boyfriend.

I invited him in and we opened a bottle of wine. We talked and watched a DVD.
I realised how much I fancied him but I kept telling myself he was my
daughter’s man.

It got very late and he said he should go, but when we stood up he grabbed me
and kissed me.

We ended upstairs having the most wonderful s ex. He said he’d like to see more
of me but wouldn’t cheat on my daughter, so it’s up to me to decide what to

We have seen each other secretly a couple of times when my daughter’s not
around and it is as passionate as ever, but I’m so scared of telling my
daughter and family.

I have a problem with the age gap, though he doesn’t. I’m worried it won’t
last and then my daughter and family will hate me for nothing.

Is this just lust or is there any future in this relationship?

Deidre says

For starters stop cheating with him behind your daughter’s back. That’s

Say you need space while you think this through.

He may say he has no problem with the age gap but still only be thinking of a
short-term sexual fling. You could throw away a lot of goodwill with your
daughter and family and then be left high and dry.

Ask him. If he says it’s not serious, don’t see him again. There’s no future
in it.

If he says he wants a proper relationship with you, my leaflet With A Younger
Man? will help you think through the pros and cons.

You’d have to insist he finishes properly with your daughter first, but I’d
say you’d have to be awfully sure to risk hurting her so badly.

You’re clearly an attractive lady. Can’t you look further afield?